one sunny day me and Naomi went to the beach but there was a old scary lady there we straight away wanted to go before she does something to us both not just one.there is that old freaky lady again at the back of us.Lets go down this street says sake the older brother .Naomi say’s Na she might still follow us even though we are going down the street there Naomi stops my heart is pumping faster then you can ever imagine look at the back of you.
3 comments:
* One thing I love about your narrative story is the way you have tried to use some full stops and capital letters.
* My favourite sentence of your story is "my heart is pumping faster then you can ever imagine"
* One thing I think you could work on next time is making sure that your story has more correct punctuation, and that it has a beginning, a middle and an end!
From Charlie-Ray and Mrs M
Good work Lyric, One thing I think you should work on is making sure that all your sentences make sense.
One thing I love about your narrative is that there is a creepy old scary lady.
* One thing I love about your narrative story is that you have focused on the structure of your writing
* My favourite sentence of your story is one sunny day me and Naomi went to the beach but there was a old scary lady there we straight away wanted to go before she does something to us both not just one.there is that old freaky lady again at the back of us.Lets go down this street says sake the older brother
* One thing I think you could work on next time is writing a longer story.
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